Crazy Shit My Clients Say

by Juan Antonio

We have stories about who we are. And who we think we are. We have stories about how things go for us. And how we think things should go. We have stories about what stuff means to us. And what that stuff could say about us.

Humans tell stories all the time.  

Let me tell you, working with clients in the wild west called “getting physically fit,” brings a lot of crazy stories because of all the complex emotions involved. I have enough to fill three books.

Here’s a new series called, Crazy Shit My Clients Say – crazy things people say that have profound truths deep within. They belong on the silver screen, but luckily, I captured them in and around the gym.

I think I’ve been a “random gymmer” my whole life. I’ve always struggled to find a good training regimen I can trust. Honestly, I’m done with this Men’s Health shit. I’m going to start seeing a personal trainer, simply because I have no *real* clue what I’m doing when I go to the gym.

1)     Haven’t we all been here? We go to the gym without a specific game plan in hand and mindlessly lift weights or hop on a treadmill. We didn’t think through our goal, how this gym training session aligns with that goal or why we even have that goal to begin with.

Why think through all this stuff when I can just lift heavy weights!?

Maybe we do this because…

…the gym has weights and treadmills?

…we see other people lifting weights and on treadmills?

…my friend is fit and he/she lifts weights/runs on the treadmill?

That “why” will be what drives you toward to your goal. If it’s vague or weak, what do you think is going to happen when it gets tough? (And it will)

I’m not a mind reader, but I hope you know exactly why you’re going to the gym each and every time. And I hope you know exactly what you’re doing and why. Without that overarching purpose to guide you, you’re essentially walking into the gym blindfolded.

If you’ve ever walked five feet with your eyes closed/covered, you know you won’t make it far without getting hurt, lost or frustrated.

2)     Most people I see at the gym are “random gym patrons.” It breaks my heart everytime I see someone just going through the motions. We don’t do this when planning a vacation, organizing a night out or even deciding what to wear.

Why do we think this is acceptable when approaching our fitness goals?

If you’re a random gym patron or feel blindfolded when in the gym, let 24/7 Coach do all the thinking for you.
“Winging it” is what leads to struggles in the gym. But this is a struggle you can control and minimize if you sit down and write out a gameplan. Pen and paper, Word, Excel, drawing pictures – it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you do it. Taking 3 minutes to figure out your real why will save you 3,000 minutes of blind monkey work. 

Please. Figure. Out. Your. Why. You owe it to yourself.

3)     I’ve had enough of this “bro science” and advertising-masquerading-as-knowledge too. A major reason people quit the gym or get no results is because of piss poor training regimens.

silly supplement

You really expect me to trust the program suggested in the magazine that’s pitching magical supplements on every other page?

silly fitness

Yeah…some people really shouldn’t be about that advertising life. 

I won’t even go into the synthetically enhanced “fitness models” or jaw-dropping photoshop skills required to produce most images in the media.

I’ll just say that poor programs leads to poor results.

You’re right, finding a program with integrity and high standards is a rare find. It’s the unicorn of fitness. But they do exist. Don’t lose hope just because of all the sleaziness and shiny, vascularized muscles flooding the marketplace.

You’re body and mind are counting on you. I’m on your side too. 

4)     I truly hope you’re personal trainer has a real clue. Too many personal trainers don’t belong in the world of strength & conditioning. To quote Mr. Miyagi from The Karate Kid, “There are no bad students, just bad teachers.”

Top 10 Mr. Miyagi Badass Moments part 2 (#10-6)

If a teacher does something wrong or questionable, what do you think the student will do?

When you have somebody behind you as a mentor, right or wrong, you get empowered. The student will do what he was instructed to do. By enlisting said trainer’s services, you’re now following his lead. Either you’ll get lead up a path to discover your best self or you’ll be left running around in circles more frustrated than before. I wish you the former.

Top 10 Mr. Miyagi Badass Moments part 2 (#5-1)

Dude. I’m going to this sick-as-f*ck rooftop party in LA this weekend. I’m going to be naked in a hot tub with a bunch of hot chicks! I need to look Rocky III shredded. I wanna be so tight that all the guys want to be me and all the chicks want to be with me. Let’s hit it hard this week to get me there.

1)     For starters, this was Sly in Rocky III:

In a Muscle & Fitness interview, Sly says he got his body fat percentage to 2.8%. To reach this state, he said he:

a) ate only 10 egg whites and a piece of toast a day

b) had a piece of fruit every third day

c) jogged two miles in the morning, followed by two hours of intense weight training

d) napped in the afternoon, followed by 18 rounds of sparring (in boxing, 1 round is 3 minutes)

e) performed another weight training session in the evening and

f) finished off the day with a swim.

Eat your heart out Michael Phelps.

Knowing what you now know, ask yourself: “Am I really willing to do what’s necessary to meet this goal?”

Keep in mind that the “goal” here was Sly’s goal, not yours. You don’t want to hear this, but you need to know: that 2.8% body fat will be damn near impossible for 99% of the population. I’d suggest adjusting your expectations and matching behaviors to the desired and realistic outcome.

Listen, you don’t want to be at 2.8% body fat anyway. I bet Sly felt like shit every day during his preparation. So will you. But Sly had the luxury of having millions of dollars and a lucrative film franchise riding on his success. You don’t.

Do you really want to be “shredded” or did you just get convinced you need to be shredded?

Maybe focusing on what you can do instead of what you look like will get you far?

2)     Look, I get it. The girls are “hot” and you think you have to be hot to get them.

How did this wild idea make its way into your mind?

I’ll let you figure that one out. 

If you haven’t learned this yet, let me save you a lot of time, money and energy: you don’t need to be “hot” to get with “hot” women.

Shocking, I know. But it’s the truth.

Quality women don’t give a shit about what you look like as much as they care about how you make them feel. If you’re hitting the gym to try to get laid, you’re wasting your time. Going down this path you’re only setting yourself up for disappointment.

Your time might be better spent learning how to be interesting to women, learning how to talk to them and learning how to make them laugh. That might get you laid. But even if it doesn’t, those skills will be with you for the rest of your life. 


A “six-pack” is useful for what exactly?

Validation? Admiration?

*Slow clap*

I don’t know. All I know is those 2.5 seconds of fame, from the moment you take off your shirt, to the moment you look for _________ (whatever you’re seeking), won’t last long.  

What then bruh?

You still have to engage with women. And you have to keep their interest. Flashy abs won’t help you there.

3)     Aaaah, yes. I see the “let’s-workout-so-intensely-that-fat-just-melts-off” approach far too often.

Hitting the gym extra, extra, extra hard for a couple of days is supposed to magically erase that entire pizza I had over the weekend right?



It won’t even make a dent for all those beers you had at the baseball game either.

And it sure as hell won’t make up for missing the gym for the past two weeks. I know it may feel like you burned 5,000 calories during that one magical WOD (“workout of the day”), but you didn’t. You cracked 800 calories if you’re lucky.

Counting calories is a fool’s approach to the game.  

The only way body fat comes off is by consistently going go the gym. Show me how many times you’ve trained the last 90 days and I’ll map out in simple math and colorful graphs why you’re not losing body fat.


If you remember nothing, just remember that consistency is the only guaranteed way to get the results you seek.

How consistent are you on a scale of 1 to 10? 

I landed in Chicago for a high level meeting and thanks to someone rushing on the plane, coffee got spilled all over my Calvin Klein shirt. I dashed to the nearest mall and came across a “40% off sale.” Ecstatic, I rushed inside hoping to snag a cool dress shirt. To my dismay, they couldn’t find a shirt my size in the ENTIRE section, let alone the sale rack. I felt like an oversized, fat man walking around the store. It was humiliating. Even worse, I felt “off” during my meeting. Not so much because of the coffee stain dead center on my chest, but because I couldn’t get over how tight my belt felt, how shitty I ate on the plane and how I’m not doing enough in the gym.

1)     That sucks man. Maybe you just stepped into the wrong designer store that only carries “athletic cut” shirts. But I’ll have you know that Ross and Target are around and successful for a reason. They have a wide selection to suitable clothes in all colors, shapes and designs. I’m sure something will grab your fancy.

2)     You bring up a very good point bruh: people grow up in a world highly focused on physical appearances. From a young age, we’re repeatedly exposed to super pretty people in magazines, movies and TV.

Is it any wonder people grow up feeling inadequate, hyper focused on image, and feeling self conscious?

Seeing that so often, I can see how it can make you feel inadequate and self-conscious. I’d say that’s a normal response. Show me something 130,013 times and I just might start to believe it.

But do you know what developed in me after so much exposure to stimuli like this? I didn’t react. I responded.

When I first saw Ah-nold in Predator or Sly in Rocky III, instead of being envious of their physique or wondering why I didn’t look like them, I was inspired by their image.

How hard and how long did they work to achieve their desired goal?

What did they do to get to that level?

What did they think about when they got lonely?

Who knows what the world would be like now if Instagram or Facebook were around in the Ah-nold / Sly glory days.

Fortunately, we have The Rock’s Instagram account. Exhibit A:

The Rock = One. Cool. Dude.

On the women front however, it was a different story.

After consistent feedings of Melrose Place, General Hospital and Baywatch, I realized that there are a lot of “hot” people out there. When you scientifically break it down to fundamentals, all pretty people pretty much look the same. 

The only real thing that makes them different is their face, mind, personality and core values.

Taylor Swift’s a Pegacorn. 😉

A pair of double D’s can easily be purchased. And they look the same no matter where you plug them in. Same goes if they opt for high C’s.

Sure, looks may get my initial attention, but alone, it’ll fade quicker than my interest in watching a One Direction concert.

The older I get, the more books I read. The more I read, the more selective I am about everything. I have a super narrow, hyper focused algorithm of what I find attractive.

So unless you’re 5’10, blonde and doing a sold-out world tour right now, nah, I’m good bruh.

3)     A lot of frustrations are going to come your way living a fast paced life. Don’t let something as small and insignificant as coffee-on-a-shirt or silly garments ruin your day. It’s just coffee on a shirt.

I’d be more upset if someone hit my car while I was busy writing a thrilling chapter at Starbucks. But even then, it’s just a car. So what?

I don’t let outside forces mess with my inner mojo. If you let in any hint of negativity into your world, it’s only going to spread and breed on itself. I keep BS and negativity out at all costs. I just don’t focus on it.


I’d rather focus on the 2% positivity going on in my world, than 98% of the BS-negativity going on across the globe any day of the week.

4)     Do you know how hard it is to eat clean while traveling?

It’s fucking hard.

And we won’t even get into the drama at airports, not sleeping in your own bed or the time zones that throw your body for a loop – fuck you jet lag!

The fact that you’re even aware of your less-than-stellar eating while traveling already puts you ahead of the curve.

Why eat soda/cookies/peanuts on a plane when you can order some room service or go to the local steak house and bill your company for lean meats and healthy veggies? (Hint, hint :-p)

5)     One last thing, I admire your mindfulness of how often you’re making it to the gym. With such keen awareness, I highly doubt you’re “oversized.”

Maybe you have a handful of pounds or two to lose, but you don’t have to beat yourself up over it. The world beats you up enough as it is.

Instead of just focusing on those few pounds you have to lose, what about focusing on how you’re making it to the gym on a regular basis despite a busy work schedule and competing family/social demands?

That’s fucking fantastic.

And don’t overlook your small wins:

– You lifting heavier weights means you’re getting stronger.

– You running at higher inclines means you have a higher cardio capacity.

– You eating more veggies everyday means your goals are getting closer and closer.


All those small wins count my friend. And small wins lead to big wins.

Your big win awaits you.   

There is only trained and untrained.

Saul Juan Antonio Cuautle
Founder & CEO

Friends don’t let friends mindlessly “workout.” Friends help and support each other. Help your friends as they try to make positive changes in their life. Give them the gift of 24/7 Coach. If you know of anyone who may benefit from this content, please share it with them. 

Note: My clients didn’t actually say XYZ. Rather, I heard most of the sourced dialogue while at the gym, when visiting a new gym, while observing personal trainers with their clients or when encountering random people talking about fitness related things. But you like the title don’t you? It’s sexy.

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